"The government has issued an orange alert, which once again, means nothing."
- Kent Brockman (The Simpsons)

"We are asked to accept Saddam decided to destroy those weapons. I say that such a claim is palpably absurd"
- Tony Blair 28 April, 2003

"Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction."
- Donald Rumsfeld, US Defense Secretary 28 May, 2003

"Right now, Iraq is expanding and improving facilities that were used for the production of biological weapons."
- Dick Cheney August 26, 2002

"We know for a fact that there are weapons there."
- Ari Fleischer
December 2, 2002

"I have no doubt we're going to find big stores of weapons of mass destruction."
- Gen. Tommy Franks Press Conference

"The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak."
- Wavy Gravy

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."
- Theodore Roosevelt

"We must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist."
- Dwight Eisenhower

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
- Benjamin Franklin

"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable."
- John F. Kennedy

“Who is more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?”
- Obi Wan Kenobi in Star Wars

"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'...they say 'president', we say 'stupid psychopathic git'...."
- Alexi Sayle

"Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug, uh, regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber."
- The Dude (Big Lebowsky)

"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."
- Tim Leary

"You know you live in a fucked up place when the fucked up people who live there tell you its fucked up."
-Amie Potsic 4/12/03

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
- Frank Zappa link

"A witty saying proves nothing."
- Voltaire

"If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal."
- Anonymous

"I disapprove of what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it."
- Voltaire

"Just an opera hat full of yellow chickens..."
-Jory John, April 17, 2003

 

"Government is not reason; it is not eloquence; it is force. Like a fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master."
- attributed to George Washington

"If salad is so good for you, how come you can't barbecue it?"
- Red Green

"The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?"
- Anonymous

"If they could just pass a few more laws, then we could all be criminals"
- Vinnie Moscaritolo

"Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read."
- Frank Zappa

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?"
- Steven Wright

"7 out of 10 people suffer from hemorrhoids, does that mean the other 3 enjoy it?"
- Leslie 2003

"The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun."
- Buckminster Fuller

"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."
- Mahatma Gandhi

"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"
- Anonymous

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."
- Han Solo, Star Wars

"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'"
- Homer J. Simpson

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
- Homer Simpson

"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet is makes beer shoot out your nose."
- Deep Thought, Jack Handy

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- George W. Bush, Jr.

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
- Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
- George W. Bush, Jr., 12/6/93

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
- George W. Bush, Jr.

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
- George W. Bush, Jr., 9/21/97

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
- George W. Bush, Jr.

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- George W. Bush, Jr.

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."
- George W. Bush, Jr., 5/22/98

"The future will be better tomorrow."
- Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"Public speaking is very easy."
- George W. Bush, Jr. to reporters in 10/9

"AC/DC has lived the dumbness that the Ramones have only faked all these years."
-Chuck Eddy

"You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the great struggle for independence."
- Charles Austin Beard

"Never believe anything until it's officially denied."
- Margaret Atwood

"Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us when we were kids, everyone would be running around in darkened rooms, munching on magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
- Davey Whipwreck

"If you have trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done."
- Scott Adams

"It's only premarital sex if you're going to get married."
- Anonymous

"What I've learned is, that when it comes to alcohol, I never learn"
- FiFi circa 2001.

"Don't sweat the petty things;
and dont pet the sweaty things."
- jacquelyn small

"You're young, you're drunk,
you're in bed, you have knives - shit happens."
- Angelina Jolie

"home is the place where, when you have yo go there, they have to take you in"
- Robert Frost

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
- Steven Wright.

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."
- Stephen King

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
- Tiger Woods